Here's to never throwing up!

See what Snoopy is doing there? That cute little "happy dance"? That's me tonight!! Oh yeah it is!

I lost.....

**drum roll please**

2.1 kgs

at the meeting tonight! (That's 4.62 lbs).

That brings my total weightloss for the last THREE weeks to 5.1kgs (11.22 lbs).

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got a bookmark for hitting my 5kg mark. Kind of a cool little reward thing.

I can't even begin to describe the feeling when I see the numbers going DOWN. It's kind of odd actually.

On the one hand, I'm overjoyed to see the weight coming off. I know that if I keep working hard, if I keep doing what I am meant to do and don't cheat, then I will keep losing weight and inches. But on the other hand, it's very emotional as I reflect back on the reasons WHY I am where I am. Obviously I try not to dwell on the latter too much but I definitely need to go there occasionally. If I don't address the reasons why I got fat in the first place, then it's just going to happen all over again and I definitely don't want that.

I realised over the last couple weeks that as I walk into the meeting on Wednesday nights, I'm hesitant. I want to be there but I don't want to be there. Does that make any sense? I want to track how I'm doing, I WANT to see my weight go down but I really don't want to see what is at that very moment in time...because I know it's too high, I know it's not where I want it to be.

So I stand in line and wait my turn. I fidget and talk to people around me, I read the information that I've been given for this week and I wait. Sometimes I make it to the front of the line in 2 minutes, sometimes it takes 15. Either way, I always end up staring at those scales and I always consider walking away. After all, my husband and children love me the way I am. I could just walk away and they wouldn't say a word.

But I stay.

I stay and stare at the scale and try to ignore the butterflies in my tummy that have been getting worse as I worked my way down the line. I stare at the scales and then I look at the skinny woman sitting behind the desk and I have to try to remind myself that it wasn't that long ago that she was standing on this side and hoping that she wasn't being judged. I stare at them and pray for a loss. Any loss.

And then I step on.

At that moment, right when I step on, I feel like I'm going to throw up. Every single week. Seriously. And yet, so far (knock wood...lots of it), I've been successful. But I know that these same things will happen each week. I just hope that I never actually throw up. Because, y'know, embarrassing!