Thursday, April 28, 2011

Starting Over


Here's a few things that I think every person out there, who may still be reading this blog for whatever reason, needs to know:

1) I am fat. Yes, I know we're all supposed to hate that word and I do absolutely detest that word when used in a derogatory way, but I am fat. It's a fact. It's also kind of the whole reason we're here isn't it?

2) I am lazy. I admit it. I would rather be found curled up on the couch for hours on end with a good book or my laptop than be found running along the river.

3) I give up too easily and for weird reasons. For years I have gotten good at something and then promptly given up trying.

4) I don't like any of these things, but seem to be at somewhat of a loss as to what to do about them.

So, now that we've established those facts, what do we do?

Well. I don't know. Do you?

Let's start from the beginning.....

I'm fat. Duh. Like I said, the whole reason we're hear talking about all this rubbish is because over the years I have put on enough weight to keep a third world country fed for a decade. I wear clothes that could fit both my children and my sister in them together, which I have to buy from the "plus size" department in stores. Sometimes, depending on the store, even shopping in the "plus size" department isn't good enough. This is because in some places, even the area for us fat folks only goes up to a size 20. I started Weight Watchers for the umpteenth time in an effort to combat this whole fat issue....which is where the other facts come into play.

I'm lazy. As previously mentioned, I'd rather be found reading a book than doing any sort of exercise. This does not mesh well with the whole losing weight idea.

I give up easily. I think I've talked about this before but with regards to this particularly journey it sucks. Giving up easily goes hand in hand with laziness. In fact, the two are skipping along happily together. I have been the same weight, essentially, since April LAST YEAR. Sure I have lost weight...but then I've gained it back. Why?! Because I got complacent. Those first 20 kgs came off so easily. I thought it wouldn't be a problem to slack off just a little bit. Remember this picture?

Photobucket too. You know what? I still look like that third picture. My measurements have changed a little bit, but essentially it's the same.

Feel free to pick your jaw up off the floor anytime.

So. I ask again. What do I do?

I have agonized over this for weeks now. As I watch the numbers go up and down, as I watch myself eat portions that are far too big, as I turn down yet another invite for a walk or a trip to the gym...I wonder what the hell I'm doing.

I wonder why I allowed myself to get this way in the first place...and then realise I know the answer to that.

I wonder why I allow myself to stay this way, why I continue to sabotage myself and make myself feel like crap.....and I realise that I may never know the answer to that.

I wonder, constantly, what I can do to change my mind set....and I realise that this will always be an issue for me and something I will always have to battle. I also realise that it is going to take an inordinate amount of strength to win that battle.


The Plan
(capitalized because it's important)

Combat the fat. Be a fat buster. - This basically translates to: I am starting over. I am going to try and bring back that enthusiasm I had in November 2009 when I (re)started this journey. I want to enjoy every single milestone that I pass. I have come so close to my 25 kg mark a few times now, only to become lazy and complacent and gain back enough to put me far away from it again.

What does this mean? Tracking, tracking, tracking. And planning, planning, planning. Meal planning, food tracking. I think this comes under the category of "Duh".

Stop being a lazy ass. - I'm sure that doesn't really require much translation, but just in case....I take you back to my previous comments about books and couches. I keep telling myself that I can't go for a walk or go to the gym because I have a book to read. Aha! Turns out, as I discovered in yet another one of my epic trips to the library, that I can get books in mp3 format. I can listen to books while I walk! How cool would that be?

My daughter has also announced that she wants to be able to do duathlons & triathlons and therefore wants to learn to run. This has prompted my return to the Couch to 5K program. I found THIS site that has some MUCH cooler music on it and will be using that.

What does this mean? I hereby pledge to do some sort of exercise at least 5 days a week for at least an hour. This is my major goal. My fearless leader, Tex, is always telling me not to make so many goals at once, so I am making this one my main one.

No more giving up. - Also unnecessary to translate. But this is where YOU lot come in. If you don't see me posting here or on my Facebook page on a regular basis, I need you to come and chase me down. Post something on the Facebook page, send me an email or, if you know where I live, come knock on my door and say "What the hell?!?!". I promise not to growl. Unless you're my mother.

What does this mean? It means I'm accountable. It means it's much harder for me to give up. It means I need help. I have a hard time admitting that...but I do. I need help. I can't do this alone. I thought I could, but I can't. So I'm asking all of YOU to help me. Please.

I'm going to sign off now...but before I do, I leave you with this:

Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left, then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

Here's to starting over!!