Hang-Ups & Bang-Ups

"I'm sorry to say so but, sadly it's true that bang-ups and hang-ups can happen to you"
~ Dr. Seuss

I always liked Dr. Seuss. Although many of the words that he put together seemed like nonsense, there really was a whole lot of wisdom behind them. I used that quote to start my post because I've recently shed light on one of my hang-ups that has been skulking around in the shadows of my brain, trying to pretend it isn't really there. It's been out there on the periphery, reaching in and poking at me with a stick and then sitting back and giggling like a schoolgirl when I look but can't see it. As far as I can tell it has been hanging out there, just waiting til my guard was down so that it could pounce. I am pretty sure it has been there most of my life. Now I wish it would go away, or I may have to go all Alice on its JabberWocky imitating ass.

This hang-up doesn't really have a name. I haven't come up with anything short enough as yet. Right now it's just "whenever I start to do well at something, my brain kicks into gear and says 'ok you're done' and I start failing again". It really is like a switch goes off in my head.

Not that long ago, I was within 200 grams of my goal of losing 25 kgs. And the very next week, I gained almost 3 kgs! Then I lost a bunch and got to within 400 grams of the goal...and gained the next two weeks. I wish I could claim that it was a total fluke, but I know it wasn't. I know it was because my brain switch got flicked and I started to sabotage myself.

Aha! Self Sabotage....that's the name of the hang-up.

I am working very hard to overcome that right now. This past week I had issues with my car. Actually, I'm STILL having issues with my car. As a result, I've had to do a lot of riding around on Greta the Bike, and a fair amount of walking. Thank goodness for a relatively flat town. Throw in some voluntary swim sessions, and I got more exercise in one week than I've had in the last 3 months. Combined. Yeah...it's been that bad.

I figured that seeing as I was getting in so much exercise, I would go back to tracking. Religiously. I wrote down every single thing that went into my mouth this week. And I ate well!

End result? I lost 1 kg this week (2.2 lbs). Which finally put me back over that "20 kgs lost" mark. It's been very frustrating looking at my book and seeing that I've been up and down 3 kgs, for the last.....8 months? The thing is, my measurements have changed...for the better....so I wasn't too concerned about my weight not shifting much. I am now.

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself, any direction you choose."
~ Dr. Seuss

When I stood on the scale yesterday and saw the lady write down that 1 kg loss, I smiled and did a little happy dance (on the inside). Then I had to fight my brain for power as it tried to flick that switch. I had done something good, you see, and now it was trying to put me back into self sabotage mode. I can't go there again.

I DO have brains in my head. And I can overcome this urge to throw it all away and go back to being a humongous heffer.

I DO have feet in my shoes. And I WILL use them to power my bike, to walk all over town, and to get back into the Couch to 5K program.

I WILL steer myself...and the direction I choose is down. And up! Down in weight and up in health.

Where are YOU steering yourself to?

**********

Starting weight: 158.6 kgs (348.92 lbs)

Current weight: 137.7 kgs (302.94 lbs)

Total Loss: 20.9 kgs (45.98 lbs)

Take some time .....

"If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself."

~ Barbara De Angelis

I have spent some time in the last week doing things for me. Just me. I don't want to give the impression that I never get time to myself or get to do anything for myself, but I think most women would agree that we tend to put everyone else first.

We chauffeur the kids, we do the laundry once in awhile, we take care of the house and the groceries and everything else. Our husbands, if they're smart, will tell us to take some time to ourselves and we'll try to do just that but on the way to go read a book we'll find a bedroom that needs tidying or put on "just one more" load of laundry.

My job gives me the flexibility to be able to have many hours of apparent "down time" during the day. Unfortunately I use a good portion of that running errands and doing things around the house. In between computer time of course.

This week I decided that I was going to follow the saying "if Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy".

I went and got my hair cut.

I got my eyebrows waxed.

I was in too much pain to bother taking a picture. You're welcome.

I got a pedicure. I wish I had thought to take pictures of the amazing process but my body was melting into a puddle of goo from the awesometastic massage chair they had me sitting in, combined with the footgasmic work they were doing on my feet. Ordinarily I am not a person who enjoys having anyone anywhere near my feet, but Oh. Emm. Gee......BLISS!!

I felt good!

And, it made a huge difference to my attitude. And it made it easier to do everything else in my life. I feel like a new person.

So.

When is the last time you did something for just you? Try it !!