Hang-Ups & Bang-Ups

"I'm sorry to say so but, sadly it's true that bang-ups and hang-ups can happen to you"
~ Dr. Seuss

I always liked Dr. Seuss. Although many of the words that he put together seemed like nonsense, there really was a whole lot of wisdom behind them. I used that quote to start my post because I've recently shed light on one of my hang-ups that has been skulking around in the shadows of my brain, trying to pretend it isn't really there. It's been out there on the periphery, reaching in and poking at me with a stick and then sitting back and giggling like a schoolgirl when I look but can't see it. As far as I can tell it has been hanging out there, just waiting til my guard was down so that it could pounce. I am pretty sure it has been there most of my life. Now I wish it would go away, or I may have to go all Alice on its JabberWocky imitating ass.

This hang-up doesn't really have a name. I haven't come up with anything short enough as yet. Right now it's just "whenever I start to do well at something, my brain kicks into gear and says 'ok you're done' and I start failing again". It really is like a switch goes off in my head.

Not that long ago, I was within 200 grams of my goal of losing 25 kgs. And the very next week, I gained almost 3 kgs! Then I lost a bunch and got to within 400 grams of the goal...and gained the next two weeks. I wish I could claim that it was a total fluke, but I know it wasn't. I know it was because my brain switch got flicked and I started to sabotage myself.

Aha! Self Sabotage....that's the name of the hang-up.

I am working very hard to overcome that right now. This past week I had issues with my car. Actually, I'm STILL having issues with my car. As a result, I've had to do a lot of riding around on Greta the Bike, and a fair amount of walking. Thank goodness for a relatively flat town. Throw in some voluntary swim sessions, and I got more exercise in one week than I've had in the last 3 months. Combined. Yeah...it's been that bad.

I figured that seeing as I was getting in so much exercise, I would go back to tracking. Religiously. I wrote down every single thing that went into my mouth this week. And I ate well!

End result? I lost 1 kg this week (2.2 lbs). Which finally put me back over that "20 kgs lost" mark. It's been very frustrating looking at my book and seeing that I've been up and down 3 kgs, for the last.....8 months? The thing is, my measurements have changed...for the better....so I wasn't too concerned about my weight not shifting much. I am now.

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself, any direction you choose."
~ Dr. Seuss

When I stood on the scale yesterday and saw the lady write down that 1 kg loss, I smiled and did a little happy dance (on the inside). Then I had to fight my brain for power as it tried to flick that switch. I had done something good, you see, and now it was trying to put me back into self sabotage mode. I can't go there again.

I DO have brains in my head. And I can overcome this urge to throw it all away and go back to being a humongous heffer.

I DO have feet in my shoes. And I WILL use them to power my bike, to walk all over town, and to get back into the Couch to 5K program.

I WILL steer myself...and the direction I choose is down. And up! Down in weight and up in health.

Where are YOU steering yourself to?

**********

Starting weight: 158.6 kgs (348.92 lbs)

Current weight: 137.7 kgs (302.94 lbs)

Total Loss: 20.9 kgs (45.98 lbs)