Saturday, April 25, 2009

A new beginning?

It seems like every year I decide that THIS is the year I'm going to lose all this weight. This is the year I am going to drag my ass out the door and get some exercise. Or more to the point, just drag it off the couch. That would be a good start. This is the year I will eat better, drink more water, get more sleep. This is the year.

I get off to a decent start, I lose a bit of weight, and then I let life take over. I stop eating well, I sit around more, and before I know it I'm right back where I began. Or worse, I'm even heavier than when I began.

I think that part of the reason for this is I have never really given myself the right motivation. I've also never explored the reasons for why I am fat in the first place. Yes, yes, I know that over eating and lack of exercise is the biggest reason...but I also know that there are underlying issues at play. Issues I've never cared to explore. Issues that MUST be addressed in order for me to get anywhere.

And so I begin anew. I am a month shy of my 30th birthday and as I look online (Facebook) at all the pictures of the people I went to school with and see how fantastic they all look, how incredibly gorgeous my ex (and first "real") boyfriend looks, I wonder what the hell went wrong with me. Then I look at my children and wonder why I am not doing more to ensure that I am going to be around for a long long time for them. Then I look at my husband and try and figure out why I am not doing more to make him proud to be out with me on his arm. He tells me all the time how beautiful I am, how hot I look or whatever..and I believe him...but really.And finally I look at myself in the mirror. I look at the rolls, the dimples, the pudge, the blubber. And I wonder how I can possibly keep fooling myself into thinking that I am ok with looking like this.

You know what? I'm NOT ok with looking like this. Clothes don't look right, I'm not in ANY pictures unless I take them myself and then it's only a headshot. I don't have the energy to run around after my kids and play with them. And when I get on a plane in a month or so to (hopefully) fly to New Zealand, I'm 99% sure I am going to have to get a seatbelt extender. How incredibly mortifying is that?!

So, here I am. Starting again. This time, for good.

In this space I will explore my feelings around food and exercise, around my health and my weight. I will babble on about how I'm choosing to fix the problem. I may even post pictures to show progress. Maybe.

I have a significant amount of weight to lose. I have no idea how much I weigh right now but I'd say I have about 180lbs to lose. That's an ENTIRE PERSON people!!! That's just shy of what my husband weighs. *sob*

I can do this. I HAVE to do this.

Stay tuned....I'm going to be looking for my feet.

1 comment:

  1. Hey, chickie, you've taken the first step and that's important. You know you need to change and you're determined to do it. Try not to overwhelm yourself with doing too much all at once. You'll just get frustrated. You CAN do this!