It seems like every year I decide that THIS is the year I'm going to lose all this weight. This is the year I am going to drag my ass out the door and get some exercise. Or more to the point, just drag it off the couch. That would be a good start. This is the year I will eat better, drink more water, get more sleep. This is the year.
I get off to a decent start, I lose a bit of weight, and then I let life take over. I stop eating well, I sit around more, and before I know it I'm right back where I began. Or worse, I'm even heavier than when I began.
I think that part of the reason for this is I have never really given myself the right motivation. I've also never explored the reasons for why I am fat in the first place. Yes, yes, I know that over eating and lack of exercise is the biggest reason...but I also know that there are underlying issues at play. Issues I've never cared to explore. Issues that MUST be addressed in order for me to get anywhere.
And so I begin anew. I am a month shy of my 30th birthday and as I look online (Facebook) at all the pictures of the people I went to school with and see how fantastic they all look, how incredibly gorgeous my ex (and first "real") boyfriend looks, I wonder what the hell went wrong with me. Then I look at my children and wonder why I am not doing more to ensure that I am going to be around for a long long time for them. Then I look at my husband and try and figure out why I am not doing more to make him proud to be out with me on his arm. He tells me all the time how beautiful I am, how hot I look or whatever..and I believe him...but really.And finally I look at myself in the mirror. I look at the rolls, the dimples, the pudge, the blubber. And I wonder how I can possibly keep fooling myself into thinking that I am ok with looking like this.
You know what? I'm NOT ok with looking like this. Clothes don't look right, I'm not in ANY pictures unless I take them myself and then it's only a headshot. I don't have the energy to run around after my kids and play with them. And when I get on a plane in a month or so to (hopefully) fly to New Zealand, I'm 99% sure I am going to have to get a seatbelt extender. How incredibly mortifying is that?!
So, here I am. Starting again. This time, for good.
In this space I will explore my feelings around food and exercise, around my health and my weight. I will babble on about how I'm choosing to fix the problem. I may even post pictures to show progress. Maybe.
I have a significant amount of weight to lose. I have no idea how much I weigh right now but I'd say I have about 180lbs to lose. That's an ENTIRE PERSON people!!! That's just shy of what my husband weighs. *sob*
I can do this. I HAVE to do this.
Stay tuned....I'm going to be looking for my feet.