Pretty, pretty please...if you ever, ever feel...less than

For the last few weeks there has been a song playing on the radio stations that is in grave danger of being OVER played, but I love it. The song in question is Pink's new one "F*ckin' Perfect". I've always been a fan of Pink and she has a few songs that make me cheer because they really speak to me. This is just the latest one (Warning: some language. Duh) :

I think there's some of you out there who need to seriously listen to this song. And not just listen, but really HEAR it! Play it, then play it again and again and again until it sinks in. You can find the lyrics to the song HERE but I just wanted to sample some of them and have a wee chat with you all.

"You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong

Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead

So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!

Filled with so much hatred.....such a tired game.

It's enough! I've done all I can think of

Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same"

Now, I'm sure when Pink wrote this song that she wasn't specifically targeting us folks on a journey through weight loss. She was talking to anyone who has ever struggled with anything. A bad childhood, a bad marriage, abuse, drugs, weight, trouble. The thing is, it all ties together.

Let's break it down a bit....

"You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong" - Show of hands...how many of us do this? How many of you out there, like me, put yourself down? How many of you can't take a compliment, often believing it to be fake or sarcastic? Well guess what....you aren't alone. But you know what else? You. Are. WRONG. You are wrong about yourself.

You ARE deserving.

You ARE beautiful.

You ARE amazing.

You ARE worth it.

You ARE ............

"Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead" - I've said it before and I'll say it again.....if you stand in front of your mirror in the morning and the first things that pop into your mind are how horrible you look, what things you wish you could hide/change/erase, or the idea of heading back to bed instead of facing the day, then you need to write the following on your mirror:

"I wouldn't speak to other people the way I speak to myself"

That needs to be your mantra in the mornings until those little voices in your head have done away with the devil horns and popped on a halo and some angel wings. Shut them down! Do you ever feel better after you've stood there and put yourself down for a few minutes? NO! How much better would you feel if you stood there and looked at yourself in the mirror and said "I look good. It's going to be a good day"? Think about it.

"So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!" - This totally ties in with what I just said. I am fully aware, believe me, of how hard it is to look happy when you feel worthless, ugly, fat, etc etc. I am also very aware of how short a time it takes for that plastered on smile to actually start feeling real. When you look happy, even if you aren't, people assume you are. And before long, you start to feel happier. And like she says...you'll make it! Make it through one day and then through the next. If something happens to throw you off, like a binge, start over! You WILL make it!

"Filled with so much hatred....such a tired game" - Isn't it exhausting always hating on yourself? I don't know about you but I find on the days when I stand in front of the mirror and get down on myself (and it happens!), the day feels like it'll never end and I'm so very tired by the end of it all. When I start my day with a positive attitude and a smile on my face, it never seems quite as bad. There is no point to self hatred. What does it achieve?? I've been there. I still go there sometimes. The only thing that comes from it is me feeling like a giant seagull came and crapped on my head. It IS a tired game. It's a game we ALL need to stop playing. Find a game that's more like Candyland, all rainbows and butterflies. When you play the game of self hatred, it's like playing Snakes and Ladders....except the ladders are short and rare and the snakes are everywhere and really really long. Slippery slope, people!

"It's enough! I've done all I can think of ....Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same" - I would never dare to sit here and tell you that I have chased down all my demons, but I'm definitely working on it. Remember when I said it all tied together? I meant it. Many of the overweight people I have spoken to, and I'm included in this group, will tell you that there is a pivotal moment in their lives when they started really piling on the weight. Yeah, yeah there's some who were heavy as kids and carried it on, or gained weight while pregnant and never lost it....but many people have a "demon" of sorts that started it all. YES food is the thing people blame. After all, it's food we're shoving down our throats. But, for me at least, food was the drug. Food was, and sometimes still is, the comfort. The cure. The pacifier.

Chase down your demons. Exorcise them. Stop feeding them with crap. Easier said than done, I know. But try!

I'm there's one or two of you sitting here thinking that it's all well and good for me to spout all this, but am I actually following my own advice? I try to. And most days, I do a damn good job of it. Then there's days like the ones after my husband lost his job and my emotions were all over the place, that I ate anything that wasn't physically nailed down. I still don't have a handle on it all the time, but I try. And that's all you can do. Try.

Having said that, I'd like to point you in the direction of the chorus for that song:

"Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel

Like you're less than f*ckin perfect.

Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing

You're f*ckin perfect to me!"

So. While you're trying to chase down the demons, while you're doing your best to look in the mirror and like yourself, while you're eating the good foods & exercising your butt off, remember TWO things.....

1) You are perfect to ME. And chances are, you're perfect to a bunch of other people too.

2) thefreedictionary.com defines perfect as:

per·fect

adj.

1. Lacking nothing essential to the whole; complete of its nature or kind.

2. Being without defect or blemish: a perfect specimen.

3. Thoroughly skilled or talented in a certain field or area; proficient.

4. Completely suited for a particular purpose or situation: She was the perfect actress for the part.

5.

a. Completely corresponding to a description, standard, or type: a perfect circle; a perfect gentleman.

b. Accurately reproducing an original: a perfect copy of the painting.

6. Complete; thorough; utter: a perfect fool.

7. Pure; undiluted; unmixed: perfect red.

8. Excellent and delightful in all respects: a perfect day.

9. Botany Having both stamens and pistils in the same flower; monoclinous.

10. Grammar Of, relating to, or constituting a verb form expressing action completed prior to a fixed point of reference in time.

11. Music Designating the three basic intervals of the octave, fourth, and fifth.

Did you see #4 and #8?

"Completely suited for a particular purpose or situation"

"Excellent and delightful in all respects"

YOU are suited for a particular purpose. To be YOU. And YOU are excellent AND delightful in all respects.

Perfect. But hey...it's just a word. Just be you. You rock.

**********

For a different, but incredibly valuable, take on perfection and the way it impacts our lives, I'd like to invite you to go visit Single Dad Laughing and his post, "The disease called 'Perfection' ".

And if you need some uplifting of a different sort, check out Operation Beautiful. It's awesome.

New toys, New adventures

I know this will come as a huge surprise to many of you but, I am not a huge fan of exercise. I do it because I have to. I am slowly coming around as I realise the stress relieving effects and general well being improvements that come with it, and I try and ignore my mother's voice in the back of my head as she says "I told you so".

I have grown to enjoy walking. Immensely! I plug myself into my iPod, strap on my shoes and off I go. I can happily walk for a good hour and a half before I even realise how far I've gone. I find it a great way to improve my head space, clear out the cobwebs and start fresh.

Running has yet to warm the cockles of my heart, but I'm sure that it will keep trying. I'm going to be restarting the Couch to 5K program very soon and now that I've found some better music (with prompts) to do it with, I'm sure it will be more appealing. Well, as appealing as running can be to someone who is as unfit and heavy as I am.

Swimming is enjoyable and now that I have a snazzy new swimsuit, I will be a little more relaxed as I dash from the changing rooms to the pool and try to slip in before the hot lifeguard sees me. Because, you know, he totally can't tell how fat I am once I'm under the water. Yes, I'm a doofus. I've also started the process to be a swim teacher, so it's getting more fun.

And then we come to biking. This is where new toys come into it. I was doing some cycling at the gym, but that's really no fun. It's hot in the gym, there's nothing to look at, there's gym bunnies prancing around in their lycra. Outside? The wind is against you a lot, it's hot (because it's summer right now), and there's cars to deal with. But, man, is it ever exhilerating!!

This is my new toy:

Her name is Greta. It was the first name to pop into my head when I got her. She is one speed, has back pedal brakes and a front hand brake, the seat is nice and wide & comfy, and she's awesome.

I've ridden all over town on her a couple of times today and my butt doesn't even hurt. Yet. I'm hoping to ride the bike as much as possible, if only to save money on gas!

Very shortly there'll be a nifty little basket to go on the front and I'll be able to use it for all sorts of things.

Do you have a bike? Do you use it?

Perhaps between the swimming and the biking, my plateau will be shattered and I will be able to finally hit that 25kg mark! Wouldn't that be fantastic?!?

**********

In other, slightly unrelated news, I got an email from someone at Treadmill Reviews today. For some reason, I decided not to delete the email as spam before I read it, and I was pleasantly surprised. As with the Nursing Schools list, I'm not sure how many people will see, read or even pay attention to the list, but I'm happy to be featured on there. And I get a snazzy badge to display on my sidebar!

If you're curious as to who else is on the list, head on over HERE and check it out!

These things I know.....

Sometimes I feel like all I do is flip flop around, not really knowing for sure which way is up, what I'm doing or where I'm meant to be going. This doesn't just apply to the weight loss side of my life, unfortunately, but to everything. There are some days where I feel like I've got it all together and then other days where I feel like a chicken with my head cut off, running around waiting for something to either save me or finish me off.

And, while it does apply to my entire life, I have felt it the most in my quest to become a healthier me. When I re-joined Weight Watchers back in November 2009, I swore it would be the last time I had to do that. I've stuck to that oath, but it hasn't been easy. I've nearly thrown in the towel a couple of times. The first time I gained weight, the first time I got sick and couldn't get the exercise in that I wanted, and then when I hit a plateau for....well I'm still on it.

The thing with this whole path we're travelling is that it's not all going to be fun and games in Munchkin Land. Occasionally we're going to end up trying to make our way through the woods, avoiding the Wicked Witch and trying not to get pelted with apples.

"If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else."

~ Lawrence J. Peter

Keeping our eyes on the goal is what gets most of us through from one day to the next. Picturing ourselves in new shirt or hot pair of jeans, thinking about next summer when we can wear a bathing suit without fear of Greenpeace showing up to stop the whale hunters from killing us, finishing that race that we've been training for - it's all motivation. It's why I haven't quit. I've kept going, and I'll continue to show up at my meetings. My weight may have pretty much plateaued for the last 6 months, but I NEED those meetings. I have made myself mentally accountable to the people in those meetings. Plus, Tex hunts me down on Facebook if I haven't shown up for a week or two! Those are the things that get me through.

I've been pretty absent around these parts since just before Christmas. This country pretty much shuts down over the holiday season. I guess Christmas combined with summer is just too good an excuse to take off. I didn't take off in the literal sense, but I did decide to take a break from here. But, the kids are back in school, the husband is back at work full time, and I have come to the conclusion that I must, must, MUST get my arse back in gear.

So, here's some final things that I know right now....

1) I am inherently lazy. As such, I have discovered that I absolutely must schedule exercise time into my day. I already use a planner for work and errands, so now right after 8:30 - 9:30 WORK, 9:30 - 10:30 ERRANDS, my diary will read 10:30 - 12:00 GYM/WALK/SWIM. If I don't schedule it, it won't happen.

2) I cheat on my eating. A lot. I track for a few days, being really good with the things I eat, then I screw up and stop tracking. My brain decides that the rest of the week is a write off, and I carry on being naughty. This doesn't happen every week, but it happens for more than it should. My new plan, thanks to a lovely lady I know, is to email her daily with my points and food tracker. I'm also going to add a Food Diary page to this here blog. If you feel like reading and commenting, go ahead, but don't feel obligated.

It's a new year, people! I don't make resolutions because they invariably fail, but I will tell you this: THIS is our year! We can do this. So get your butt in gear and join me.