Sometimes I feel like all I do is flip flop around, not really knowing for sure which way is up, what I'm doing or where I'm meant to be going. This doesn't just apply to the weight loss side of my life, unfortunately, but to everything. There are some days where I feel like I've got it all together and then other days where I feel like a chicken with my head cut off, running around waiting for something to either save me or finish me off.
And, while it does apply to my entire life, I have felt it the most in my quest to become a healthier me. When I re-joined Weight Watchers back in November 2009, I swore it would be the last time I had to do that. I've stuck to that oath, but it hasn't been easy. I've nearly thrown in the towel a couple of times. The first time I gained weight, the first time I got sick and couldn't get the exercise in that I wanted, and then when I hit a plateau for....well I'm still on it.
The thing with this whole path we're travelling is that it's not all going to be fun and games in Munchkin Land. Occasionally we're going to end up trying to make our way through the woods, avoiding the Wicked Witch and trying not to get pelted with apples.
"If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else."~ Lawrence J. Peter
Keeping our eyes on the goal is what gets most of us through from one day to the next. Picturing ourselves in new shirt or hot pair of jeans, thinking about next summer when we can wear a bathing suit without fear of Greenpeace showing up to stop the whale hunters from killing us, finishing that race that we've been training for - it's all motivation. It's why I haven't quit. I've kept going, and I'll continue to show up at my meetings. My weight may have pretty much plateaued for the last 6 months, but I NEED those meetings. I have made myself mentally accountable to the people in those meetings. Plus, Tex hunts me down on Facebook if I haven't shown up for a week or two! Those are the things that get me through.
I've been pretty absent around these parts since just before Christmas. This country pretty much shuts down over the holiday season. I guess Christmas combined with summer is just too good an excuse to take off. I didn't take off in the literal sense, but I did decide to take a break from here. But, the kids are back in school, the husband is back at work full time, and I have come to the conclusion that I must, must, MUST get my arse back in gear.
So, here's some final things that I know right now....
1) I am inherently lazy. As such, I have discovered that I absolutely must schedule exercise time into my day. I already use a planner for work and errands, so now right after 8:30 - 9:30 WORK, 9:30 - 10:30 ERRANDS, my diary will read 10:30 - 12:00 GYM/WALK/SWIM. If I don't schedule it, it won't happen.
2) I cheat on my eating. A lot. I track for a few days, being really good with the things I eat, then I screw up and stop tracking. My brain decides that the rest of the week is a write off, and I carry on being naughty. This doesn't happen every week, but it happens for more than it should. My new plan, thanks to a lovely lady I know, is to email her daily with my points and food tracker. I'm also going to add a Food Diary page to this here blog. If you feel like reading and commenting, go ahead, but don't feel obligated.
It's a new year, people! I don't make resolutions because they invariably fail, but I will tell you this: THIS is our year! We can do this. So get your butt in gear and join me.