Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Here's to never throwing up!

See what Snoopy is doing there? That cute little "happy dance"? That's me tonight!! Oh yeah it is!

I lost.....

**drum roll please**

2.1 kgs

at the meeting tonight! (That's 4.62 lbs).

That brings my total weightloss for the last THREE weeks to 5.1kgs (11.22 lbs).

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got a bookmark for hitting my 5kg mark. Kind of a cool little reward thing.

I can't even begin to describe the feeling when I see the numbers going DOWN. It's kind of odd actually.

On the one hand, I'm overjoyed to see the weight coming off. I know that if I keep working hard, if I keep doing what I am meant to do and don't cheat, then I will keep losing weight and inches. But on the other hand, it's very emotional as I reflect back on the reasons WHY I am where I am. Obviously I try not to dwell on the latter too much but I definitely need to go there occasionally. If I don't address the reasons why I got fat in the first place, then it's just going to happen all over again and I definitely don't want that.

I realised over the last couple weeks that as I walk into the meeting on Wednesday nights, I'm hesitant. I want to be there but I don't want to be there. Does that make any sense? I want to track how I'm doing, I WANT to see my weight go down but I really don't want to see what is at that very moment in time...because I know it's too high, I know it's not where I want it to be.

So I stand in line and wait my turn. I fidget and talk to people around me, I read the information that I've been given for this week and I wait. Sometimes I make it to the front of the line in 2 minutes, sometimes it takes 15. Either way, I always end up staring at those scales and I always consider walking away. After all, my husband and children love me the way I am. I could just walk away and they wouldn't say a word.

But I stay.

I stay and stare at the scale and try to ignore the butterflies in my tummy that have been getting worse as I worked my way down the line. I stare at the scales and then I look at the skinny woman sitting behind the desk and I have to try to remind myself that it wasn't that long ago that she was standing on this side and hoping that she wasn't being judged. I stare at them and pray for a loss. Any loss.

And then I step on.

At that moment, right when I step on, I feel like I'm going to throw up. Every single week. Seriously. And yet, so far (knock wood...lots of it), I've been successful. But I know that these same things will happen each week. I just hope that I never actually throw up. Because, y'know, embarrassing!


  1. Oh, a happy dance for you! You're doing so well!

    (I think you should dwell a little. Like you say, you don't want to be doing this for nothing.)

  2. Yahoo! That's great! I'm very proud of you! Keep up the great work, chickie!

  3. Woohoo! Good job! I'm so glad you're doing it!

  4. Way to go Sweetie! You are right were we are behind you 100% no matter what!

  5. This is absolutely amazing...11 pounds in 3 weeks is so great.

    Are you seeing it yet, or feeling it in your clothes? That's when it becomes really fun...when you put on a pair of pants and are able to pull them down, without unbuttoning them.

    No one is judging you. You need to remember that.

  6. Hey! Where have you been? Hope you're doing ok! We miss you on the Kiwi Roll Call board. Come and let us know how you are going. Also, are you going to be at the Blenheim meeting on Wed 30th? I think I will try and attend that one.

  7. Hey M! Where's the latest update! I know you're out enjoying all that sunshine and warmth but don't forget to update us too! Still cheering you on!